| (no subject) |
[May. 3rd, 2009|03:47 pm] |
when asked, "do you hate me?"
they replied, "I would request that you leave me alone till the sun explodes and destroys the earth. or in other words (comma) yes."
my reply was, "wow, ok. and my i ask why?"
his retort, "as former vice president dick cheney once said to another senator on the floor of congress...go fuck yourself. thats why."
i said, that that made sense but still didnt understand why he would hate me.
he comments back, "because you are a life ruiner? ish? please let this be it. no further contact. have fun fucking up your life all over in ohio."
i simply said, "oh, a life ruiner for caring?"
and then it was over. |
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| blarg |
[Apr. 25th, 2009|11:21 pm] |
so here it is again...im moving back to ohio!
yay! im so happy...not.
why is it that once i start getting my life in order, everything goes to shit? why is it that i go WAY out of my way for people/friends and they never see it that way, and the they screw me royally all the time and walk all over me?
those arent friends then. so im going to get away from them and try and make new friends.
it isnt about friends really though. its about everything else. because everything else is what's important, not friends. even though they are nice to have and to be around, but like i said, im fed up with these semi-friends.
so i had a blow up, it wasnt really a fight, even thought it turned into one later. i had been bottling up way too much and usually with my roomie, i dont bottle anything up for long. however, i no longer know my roomie, she is no longer my best friend, friend or anything anywhere close, i just happen to live with her. so after that fight, things were over with us. our friendship that had never had to endure a fight, was over because i finally blew up instead of sweeping everything under the carpet like usual.
along with having this alien that has consumed my best freind roomie, i have added another roomie, my best guy friend. he gets to sleep on the couch, have a key, eat my food, use my electricity, my bathroom, and my closet for free...ha. i try and get him to help, financially as much as possible, so he went out and got a job at the bar we used to frequent every night. i ask him, about how much money do you walk out of te bar with...just give me an estimate. well, he says, enough for me to leave the bar and have a meal on my way home. aaaand this helps me how? so you dont have to by my food, he claims. HA HA! where is the couch in most homes located? right, in the front room, the room that people judge you by when they first walk into your house, and since we live in an apartment, its basically the entire apartment. does he take that into consideration and keep it clean, thinking that there are possibly two other people that might want to watch a movie or eat in the living area? no. do i have to remind him of this, every day...yes. but now i have stopped giving a damn, and i dont clean up anything. i dont do the dishes, i dont clean up the living room, i dont vacuum the floor (and i have five kittens) which i used to vacuum twice a week, now is a nasty mess that i climb around to go to my room, which is nice and orderly.
one would think, that if you were staying at a persons place, for an extended amount of time, and you werent really going out and getting a job and you expected to use the amenities you would at least, AT the very least, you would say ok well i will clean up and help out as much as possible to show that im thankful for this person letting me stay/live with them for free. but not MY glorious new side-roomie. again, my best friend...bull shit.
i moved to texas originally to get away from a horrible break up where we lived together, and i wanted my mommy. i move back in with my parents and they give me two weeks to get out, due to the 5 kittens. it just so happened, ironically, one of my best friends was in the same situation, except her family left here in texas to move elsewhere. the solution was simple, we are both heartbroken and fucked up from boys, we decide to live together and make eachother happy. which i would say worked better for her than it did me, but for a year and a half is worked well enough that our friendship was still the best. until, the fight.
now my home and sanctuary is a place i would rather never be, but i have to for the kittens. and its really like living in hell. i never knew what hell on earth felt like until now. it is horrible, i completely detest the persons living in my home more than any other persons ever. even more that the kid who beat me up with a pitch-fork one year.
2009, was going to be the best year of my life, i decided this at new years. and yet murphys law has decided to play a cruel joke on me. i was going to get a job, and work a few hours, not over doing it. i was going to eat healthy, work out, read more books, knit more, do more art. and the begining of 2009 was just that. i found a job at a local retail store, i had a subleased roomie another one of my best friends. and i welcomed her with open arms, even though i always feel as though she is judging me, its nice to know someone is there looking out for you when you are being a complete dumbass. whereas my normal roomie would join in the dumbass. so my sub-let roomie is more responsible, she has a job, has a pet, has a boyfriend, she is about to graduate and has her head for the most part on her shoulders. we sat down for coffee one day and talked about what each of us was looking for in living with each other and any concerns we might have (and i think any one who is moving in with someone needs to talk about all of it upfront, dont think you can just wing it...it never works). she would leave for school in the morning after we ate breakfast together and drank coffee, i would leave for work some days after her, and we would come home in the evening, i would paint and she would work on homework, in the living room. which i never saw my normal roomie ever, she would come home and lock herself in her room to work on homework, or sleep. my life with my sub-let roomie was finding a routine and i loved that...until i got an email from my normal roomie saying she was coming back, next week. WHAT! only two weeks into getting my dream roomie and i have to have her back, sigh. typical her. and i have to be the one to pick up the pieces. and try to find some way to break the news to my sub-let roomie, again also a best friend. it was horrible. and i think that is what started everything.
my normal roomies comes back, my sub-let roomie is pissed at her and its all crap. my normal roomie, comes back three weeks into the semester, engaged, and stupid as shit. and im just about to start school. im just about to start something that will take me on to bigger and better things. and my roomie, starts having trouble with catching up in school, because again she chose to wait those three weeks instead of coming right back when she knew she was going to have to come back. then she wants to go out every night and party, get drunk and get high. which i dont do and i think there is an age when that is just not acceptable. and she starts having trouble with her fiance who lives overseas. and then the tumbleweed starts blowing and growing. she starts sleeping in and missing her classes, that shes already behind in, she starts staying out later and later, hanging out with the wrong crowd. people she thinks are her "real" and "best" friends, the ones that let her do this, knowing she is fucking up her schooling. then one day shes ended things with her fiance and has dropped out of school and is using her loan money from school on drinking $30 of tequilla a night, if not more at the bar. and since im in school ive stopped going out when i have homework, or if i work in the morning. that is part of growing up and having responsibilities. i guess, since i was now not in the sceen, it all started to end our friendship. she was no longer talking to me about shit, i just had to figure it all out on my own, i noticed she wasnt wearing her ring any more, and she was starting to hang out with the guy who broke up her and her now ex-fiance before, she is spending the night with him and going on out of town trips with his band, not telling me where she is going. and she starts changing, making derogatory statements toward our jewish friends, and our gay friends, thinking it is funny to joke in a rude way all the time, no thats being a bitch. 100% bitch. being funny is all about timing and if you say the same shit over and over, you arent joking any more. and i couldnt stand to be around her because she made me uncomfortable and if i would say dood, cool it with that stuff, she would throw something at horribly nasty at me, as if it were a joke. and my bum roomie, the one of the couch, he doesnt do anything or have to pay for anything, even after i threaten to kick him out because he is wasting my money, he starts hanging out with her til 6am and sleeping until 5pm and doing it all again instead of looking for a job. they tell me to cool it and that im the crazy one. no i dont want these viruses around me. i want people who make me a better person, around me. not people i feel are trying to pull me down, and not when i finally have things going for me.
and since my roomie gets to make all the decicions with our living her, because ive only been staying here because she has no one left in this town. her family left her and she chose to stay. one day, i dont turn her rent in for her, because thats not my job, im sick of being the fucking mom in my house, even if i am the oldest. my roomie then has to pay late fees, and she pulls the, i have no money card (ok then stop wasting your college loan money on booze, i cant wait til she has to pay it all back!!) and then she decided we arent living here any more, once the lease is up. um thanks?! i graduate from school july 30th, our lease is up july 31st, where we were originally going to stay til december once she graduated. and by then i would have been working in the field for four months and have money saved up to move. well now i dont. i have to graduate from my class and then move the next day. thanks to my fucked up roomie. ruin my plans along with yours! its cool, no worries.
however, when i leave, she will be work stationless, bedless, and dresserless, because they are all mine.
im very bitter about this, and since we arent even friends anymore i cant rationally talk her in to staying here, nor would i want to live one more day with her. i am so over this bullshit. im going to go out in the world and make something of myself, and she can figure it out in her own time. |
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| a part of my past. |
[Jan. 23rd, 2009|06:50 pm] |
TURTLE TALK DICTIONARY...
A: AGIRLASH - THE FEMALE FORM OF MUSTACHE; HAIR GROWING ON THE UPPER LIP OF A FEMALE.
A: AXE - TO NOTICE A PERSON SMELLS GOOD
B: BEVANATOR - A STRICT ART TEACHER WHO EATS BAD CHILDREN; A CRAZY HAIRED MONSTER
B: BITCHEN - EXPRESSION FOR COOL; EXTREMELY AWESOME
B: BOOB - A TERM USED TO DESCRIBE A PERSON WHO HAS DONE SOMETHING STUPID
B: BURN - A WORD SCREAMED WHEN SOME ONE IS PROVEN INCORRECT IN FRONT OF A HUGE CROWD OF PEOPLE, USED MAINLY BY WOMEN TOWARD MEN
C: CHUCKLE - TO EXPRESS AMUSEMENT IN A SARCASTIC MANNER
D: DONKEY-ANSY-PANTS - NAME GIVEN TO VALMIRA
E: EEK- TO MAKE A SHORT CRY WHEN EXTREMELY SCARED; A SHORT CRY WEN MAKING A MISTAKE
F:FIKI - A TERM USED WHEN STUBBING ONES TOE
F: FRAKEN - A TERM USED TO RELAY EXTREME DISLIKE OR DISLIKE FOR SOME ONE
G: GOOBER -A PERSON WHO HAS ACTED IN A RIDICULOUS MANNER; ONE WHO STUMBLES OVER WORDS; WON WHO HAS FALLEN IN AN OUTRAGEOUS MANNER
H: HOLLUNDA - A TYPO
I: IANO - SHORT HAND FOR 'I DONT KNOW' WHEN USING INSTANT MESSENGER
J: JA-JA - THE WAY A PERSON LAUGS AFTER DRINKING A JAVA SHAKE
K: KRUNK - SUBSTITUTE FOR COOL
L: LIL' - THE SUFFIX FOR EVERY RAPPER UNDER THE AGE OF 20; SUFFIX FOR A SORT RAPPER
L: LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD - A CHILDREN'S STORY THAT CAN BE TOTALLY CHANGED BY CHANGING A WORD
M: MADDIE - AN ELVIS IMPERSONATOR DRESSED UP LIKE A MATADOR
M: MOOSE - A SUBSTITUTE FOR ANY CURSE WORD
N: NEO - THE ONE
O: OKIES - THE SHORT HAND FOR THE SLANG TERM 'OKEY-DOKEY', USUALLY FOR INSTANT MESSENGER
P: PLUBLUBBERNPEEBRAIN - A MYTHOLOGICAL CREATURE WHO CONSTANTLY MAKES MISTAKES, I.E. MY LITTLE SISTER
Q: QUIAL MAN - A SUPER HERO WHO WEARS HIS UNDERPANTS OUTSIDE HIS OUTFIT
R: RUDY - A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER
R: RUSHAN - A PERSON WHO POSES AS A RUSSIAN IMMIGRANT, I.E. ME
S: SNAP - A WORD SOME WHAT LIKE 'BINGO'; SAID WHEN A PERSON GETS SOMETHING CORRECT
S: SOLID - EXPRESSION FOR COOL; EXTREMELY BITCHEN
S: SPLATTER - YELLED WHEN SOMEONE FALLS, SLIPPING ON WATER
S: SUGAR WHAT - A VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY SEXY MAN
T: TROGDOR - THE BURNINATOR
T: TURTLE - A SLOW ACTION DONE BY A PERSON; A SLOW REACTION TO A JOKE
U: UBER - ANOTHER WAY TO SAY 'VERY'
V: VOLVO - AN ALBANIAN WOMAN KNOWN AS THE DEVIL
W: WICKIE-WICKIE - A SOUND A DISC JOCKEY MAKES WHEN SCRATCHING A RECORD
X: X - A PRANK
Y: YEH - IN AGREEMENT TO
Z: ZAP - A WORD SOMEWHAT LIKE 'BINGO', SHOUTED WHEN SOMEONE IS INCORRECT.
DEDICATED TO SHIBBY...AAAAAND THEEEEEEEEEEEN.
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| the new year |
[Dec. 29th, 2008|12:12 am] |
so xmas was awesome.
ive been puppy sitting for the past week. and finally got the pee machine potty trained! yay!!! so all is well there, and she is flipping cute, i wish i had a camera to take pics of her.
so other than that, im still jobless, but i finally have an interview so thats good news.
and as for te new year...changes are going down:
1. quit smoking
2. get in shape (possible marathon in march)
3. get my house in order
4. get and stay on some sort of schedule
5. get back into school
6. take life more seriously (go camping, go to shows, travel, get a new computer, get a new camera, get out of debt, look for a house)
so i hope to make 2009 a great year! *crosses fingers*
OH and new information about my roomies love life...shes getting back with her ex (foreigner) and getting engaged. i told her to give him a second chance, and now shes is doing it. i just wished she had not gotten with that poor band guy whose heart is broken now. lame. drama in which i am staying out of. blah. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 15th, 2008|03:35 am] |
so the encounter with jacob today...
he comes over to our apartment and i answer the door. he looks down, as if he is pissed and wants to leave. then he just starts small talk as i lead him to my roomies room. he stops a few paces behind me and before i open her door he says wait. come here. give me a hug. so i do, willingly and gladly. after a good few minutes he says okay, sometimes i can be a real asshole. i said me three. and then he just wanted to talk to me about his weekend like nothing ever happened. which i was glad to see, but does this mean we are ok? or was he just being civil for my roomies sake? do i bring it up and say something or do i just ride this out and see if things go back to normal? always wondering what it was that really pissed him off in the first place, or if he is really okay, or if it will happen again?
but atleast my entire night wasnt ruined. i mean he was cracking jokes about old times with me and it was great, but i can still sence a sort of uneasiness when hes around me...so who knows. i just want it to be normal again. i made a bed up for him...so we shall see i guess if he decides to sleep in the bed or the floor...the true test ;) |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 14th, 2008|03:00 am] |
so jacob is coming to town. yay! NOOOOT!
he is coming to see my roomie before she leaves and requested "not to see me" as if my roomie is going to not hangout with me on the last few days she has in town...riiiight. so im sorry but he is going to have to suck it up. shit or get off the pot. then again not to say im boasting about this, bc it does suck and when i heard it my roomie was on the phone to him and i was saying to invite one of our friends to come too, and she didnt say it...which i thought wierd and then once she hung up the phone she said 'i dont know how to say this'. so i said just tell me the bad news. she said jacob said 'i dont want this to sound wierd but i dont want to see her'. and i instantly balled. yet now at the end of a great night and a RAVE! i feel very powerful and since my roomie isnt going to stand for his childish ways, i feel awesome. bc i can totally be civil about this in public, it isnt a matter for me to yell and call him out in front of friends, so im not going to, and thinking he doesnt know me well enough to know i can do that pissed me off royally.
im seriously wondering if its even worth it. bc like if he gets over his shit and talks to me saying yes we are friends and that it, how am i to think that if as friends we dont blow up again (or just one of us, as in this case) and have to take a (break). i dont have friends that work that way and he is supposed to be a best friend and 'lover'. so i think its bullshit. and if we were juuuust friends as he wanted so badly then a friend break takes like 2 days, then you get together and talk about it. not a month later. or maybe i just dont understand any of this at all.
either way i think its lame and needs to end already. i cant stand it and neither can my friends, who dont want to get stuck in the middle but are all thinking he needs to just give up his little 'break' idea and talk to me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 12th, 2008|11:27 pm] |
so i somehow ran into a friend at the bar the other night, who was drunk off his ass. he asks me about jacob. and i know he knows something...anyway that runs into a conversation, a very long one at that.
im selfish. thats pretty much what it comes down to. blah. i hate when ppl are right. and nonetheless, drunk ppl. they arent supposed to make sence and yet this one did and did it oh so well. ha.
i just need to take things slow. very slow. and i will get thru them. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 9th, 2008|05:34 am] |
dear jacob
so i wrote this huge apologetic love letter to you that i was going to read to you when you got over it. but now im just getting angry, and call me selfish...bc i can be. but i dont care. i didnt want this fight to end our friendship, i just wanted to explain myself to you and our standings. but since you wont listen and you wont stop being fucking stubborn for one damn minute and life your life instead of holding on to stupid shit, then thats your problem. i dont want your friends who have become my friends feel wierd when i talk to them, bc ive said sorry. so you either suck it up and talk to me or else im done. im not going to live each day thinking i havent tried hard enough, i havent said sorry enough, i havent been there enough, bc frankly ive done my fucking part and im done.
love me. |
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| completely alone |
[Dec. 7th, 2008|10:26 pm] |
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man i feel so alone right now.
my best friend/lover (thats right i said it) wont talk to me because we had a huge fight...rather I HAD a huge fight with him and he just walked away. and i cant make it better, and its not that i want to control everything. bc i cant. its just i hate people being upset with me and holding in instead of getting shit done and solving the issues at hand early on when the problems come up. i also understand there is a cool down period where you need space...mine is just significantly shorter than everyone else. and i hate it. loath it. i want to punch it, this this that people think will get better with time, only festers with time and never goes away you just hide it. once something similar comes up however you feel all those old UNSOLVED feelings come up, only adding to the problem at hand.
my roomie has gone off the deep end, and i dont even know what to do there. ok re-cap:
1. she is dating a boy from...far away. that she never sees bc he cant come legally...get the picture? (he is in another country. not canada or mexico)
2. she left her bf of 3 years to be with this far away boy (fab for short)
3. things start hitting the fan and she is having a hard time with fab, bc of the distance, not bc hes a bad guy. however he does pull a lot of crappy boy cards every once in a while
4. we run into a kid from high school in a band, that we both followed years ago. and hes still pulling gigs at this one bar we practically live at.
5. her and the band boy start talking, only as friends (she says) but he is basically in love with her, which is funny bc back then he wouldnt give us the time of day and i know him better than she does.
6. so soon we are going out everynight and she is all up in this guys junk. making me feel out of place like whoa bc i dont know whats going on bc she says they are just friends...when again things with fab are bad and she feels such a "deep" connection with band guy.
7. its starts to get a little creepy right about now...any time she walks away from a conversation with band guy he follows her, either litterally or stares her down the entire time. AND they start one on one hanging out. which in my opinion is completely out of line for her to be doing bc in 3 weeks she was supposed to get engaged to fab. thats right. and shes basically making face love with band guy. yet i dont step in...bc i dont know what the hell is going on and i cant get her alone long enough to ask.
8. by now she breaks up with fab. after almost 2 years, the guy she is supposed to be madly in love with and about to be engaged to in 3 weeks. and spends the night with band guy that night.
9. fab has no idea what has happened, he is trying to fix it and looking like an idiot bc he has no idea my roomie has already dropped his ass and spent the night with band guy.
10. after the first sleep over, she spends the night there the next 2 nights, says they made out and all she wants to do is have sex with band guy!!!!!!!!! and the night she told me that she didnt come home until 930 pm the next day to change and leave right away with band guy. leaving me to assume that they are very close now.
11. band guy calls me best friend. and fab bought me a present even tho i have never met the guy. im not getting in the middle of this one, but it would be safe to say that im on fab's side all the way. bc i think what she did was shaddy as fucking hell. plus the fact that band guy knew she was "in love" with fab and yet constantly pushed the limits of that on her.
12. YET!!! huge yet. she says " all i want to do is take a break from boys and not get into anything bc im leaving for 4 months and dont want to do long distance again." but that doesnt seem to speak in correlation with your actions.
and the BEST part of it all...she did this with the guy before fab, to fab and now with another guy to fab...pattern?? i think SO!!!
and all of this has been pent up since she started hanging out with band guy, even tho i would drop hints when i saw her and she would say, hey me and band guy are going to his house to watch a movie but come meet us at the bar later, and i would be like thats cool i dont want to go there alone...thinking she needed a buffer. as in she shouldnt have been alone with band guy. its bullshit. and i wear fab's gift everyday and im not taking it off...and i want to tell him sooo bad!!
plus fab is trying so hard to make it right and she wont give him the time of day. it sucks. maybe we arent as much alike as i thought. |
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| hell |
[Nov. 29th, 2008|03:25 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  restless | ] |
so ive recently come to the conclusion that my life sucks.
and i dont mean that in the typical emo way, that seems to be sweeping the teens of america. i mean it litterally sucks.
1. i recently lost my job, and benifits
2. rent is due in one day and i have no money
3. i cant find a job and its the holidays
4. one of my best loves and friends...just talked to me for the first time in 4 months and it was horrible
5. i just had a HUGE blow up fight with my boy friend, and we arent talking anymore
6. my roommate is gone and when she gets back, will be leaving for 8 months
7. my 18 yr old cat passed away 2 weeks ago
8. my hermit crab died
9. i have no money to do laundry, and have no clean clothes...they all smell
10. im about to be sued for debt from 5 years ago
11. im slowly but surely loosing all control of my life and i dont know where to turn and which pieces to pick up first.
i have had low points in my life but i was always able to bounce back with something, a random thought that sounded good at the time and i make it work. but im too old to do that now...now i have to think everything threw. careful calculations that i dont do very well are pressing at my brain to find a solution and all i get out of it is a headache.
and ive been looking at my roommate, who has been threw war, breakups, her entire family moving across the country and leaving her behind...and i think how strong she must be. but in reality shes just content. shes not stronger than me...and yet she is for the mire fact that she is content and happy. and i think one of my, for lack of better words, bad habits is that i crave the love of others for happiness. and ive known this for a long time, and i of course think about it and then forget it all. there is no need to worry about a major life/character change over night. and so that thought comes and goes. but now i feel as though in order to move in any positive direction. i need to be happy and content with who i am. even tho i never want to settle or be content, i guess im part gypsy. i need constant change, constant motion. i feel that resting is amazing and much needed most of the time, but once i stop the momentum i fail. and fall on my face. im one of those people that can stay mad at people, because i dont want anyone hating me, even when space and distance is what is most needed in certian relationships. ive lost so many friends bc i cant tell them up front whats going on in my life and i get to a breaking point and it all spills on that one person in the most hurtful of ways. i dont like who i am is what it all comes down to. im not saying i havent aided in being delt this shitty deal, but i need to make the most of it and get off my ass and change it. when all i want to do is go back to school and move on with my life instead of being stuck in a year after year rut. even though i find that when i try and make the most of it, i forget the ultimate goal and dont save money, bc at the time going out sounds more fun, or i just need a pick me up and hang out with friends...i cant believe i know all this and yet im so irresponsible. i dont know how to make it all click and for me to get one of those 'ah-ha' moments.
why do i feel as though i need to always be there for everyone else, but am afriad to need someone on my side of the court. my roommate is a perfect example. when she needs me im always there and yet if i call her during a nap to just hear someones voice saying its going to be okay i know she will ignore my call and then 4 hours later when she wakes up she will get back to me...when ive already had to re-bottle everything. who are the people i call friends and choose to go out of my way for all the time, if they dont have my back. then again i feel inconsiderate when i 'problem vomit' everything to one person and theres no way i could share a little with everyone and expect to get any feed back from that at all...
i dont even make sence anymore, i just ramble on and on bc there is so much going on inside my head that i cant handle it. |
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| incubus. |
[Sep. 12th, 2007|01:08 pm] |
"Oil And Water"
You and I are like oil and water
And we've been trying, trying trying
Ohhhh, to mix it up.
We've been dancing on a volcano
And we've been crying, crying, crying
Over blackened souls.
Babe, this wouldn't be the first time,
it will not be the last time.
There is no parasol that would shelter this weather.
I been smiling with anchors on my shoulders
But I've been dying, dying, dying
Ohh, Ohh, Oh to let them go.
Babe, this wouldn't be the first time,
it will not be the last time.
There is no parasol that would shelter this weather.
Babe, this wouldn't be the first time,
it will not be the last time.
We were trying to believe that everything would get better.
We've been lying to each other
Hey! Babe! Let's just call it what it is!
Oil and Water!
Oil and Water!
Oil and Water!
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 11th, 2007|01:39 pm] |
im glad this year is almost over.
i have lost 2 of my best friends. and it sucks.
school makes me depressed now. cause im sad about shit going on in my life and it sucks more bc i have to force myself not to think of that shit at all. bc thats not what is important right now. might sound cruel but its tru. i cant worry about the drama, the friends, anything. all i can think about is school and making good grades and getting out of here.
ps i love volvo! |
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| sweets sucks |
[Sep. 6th, 2007|01:38 pm] |
so i guess trying your hardest just isnt good enough at all.
so i work 2 jobs, and i accidentally gave my one job my unavailability not my availability...so today i was scheduled both jobs at the same time almost. one job 8-1 the other 930-1. so i called the cheaper paying one (the one i fought five times to get) and told them the situation, bc i didnt want to call the better paying, better benifits job and maybe screw that up.
well my manager said, well you better hope you can get it covered. cause if you dont we are screwed. so ive been freaking out about it all week hoping i dont screw anyone over, bc lets face it that's just not me. so i go in and start calling ppl to see if anyone can cover, but being in a college town it is hard to get coverage for morning shifts. so no one could cover the begining part, which was cool. cause i could work there from 8-930 run across the street to my other job from 930-1. everything would be golden.
so i was able to have 2 ppl come in early to cover me and the other girl who was covering for me. making sure then that the number the managers wanted to be there was there. all but 30 minutes was covered. from 930-10 there would only be 2 ppl and the 2 managers. which working with 3 ppl is a maricle and never happens. (so the fact that there were 3 ppl working myself included was wierd. but then i think ok 30 min only 2 ppl that should be ok.)
i got this all okayed by the manager last night on duty.
so all was a go. i wrote the opening managers a letter saying :hey dont hate me, im messing up all the schedules, but i got everything covered but 30 minutes) so see you tomorrow.
HELL i was willing to come after my class to cover a girl coming in 2 hours early for me, her last 2 hours. i was going to leave class and everything just to make it on time. bc the other day they scheduled me when i had class. which i had written down for them 3 times prior. and was 30 miniutes late to work, which i called them 2 times to say hey im leaving, hey im stuck in traffic. and that was ok. so 30 minutes with only 2 ppl again....
see a pattern.
WELL. i go into work today at 8am. and as soon as i walk in they call me in the office, tell me that i was able to cover everything but 30 minutes, and i was like i know i tried so hard to get that bit covered, but i couldnt. i was told that that would be ok. (or else i would have called the other job and said hey i have to come in 30 min late, something came up) they said you also wanted us to not hate you. and im like haha yeah i know. and then they said...
well we dont hate you we are just going to fire you!
so yeah sweet eugenes you guys suck! a lot.
i gave my all, and it just wasnt good enough...so suck it. |
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| my feet smell |
[Aug. 28th, 2007|10:51 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | tunstall | ] |
By means of meditation we can teach our minds to be calm and balanced; within this calmness is a richness and a potential, an inner knowledge which can render our lives boundlessly satisfying and meaningful. While the mind may be what traps us in unhealthy patterns of stress and imbalance, it is also the mind which can free us. Through meditation, we can tap the healing qualities of mind. - Tarthang Tulku
ps. my feet smell, i should think about wearing socks. yuck :/ |
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| -ing |
[Aug. 26th, 2007|02:17 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | indie chill | ] |
My soul weaps Reality sets in Doubt floods my wishes Longing becomes too much Nostalgia flashes before my eyes Memories overlap the present Heartstrings on the verge of tearing Anxiety heats my face Missing the past Unknowing of a future Trying to move past Holding on whit-knuckled for a future Clouding my judgement Music is deafening Silence is heart-wrenching Yurning to see... Being with... Touching... Embracing... Passionatly meeting...
you. |
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| -ing |
[Aug. 26th, 2007|02:17 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | indie chill | ] |
My soul weaps Reality sets in Doubt floods my wishes Longing becomes too much Nostalgia flashes before my eyes Memories overlap the present Heartstrings on the verge of tearing Anxiety heats my face Missing the past Unknowing of a future Trying to move past Holding on whit-knuckled for a future Clouding my judgement Music is deafening Silence is heart-wrenching Yurning to see... Being with... Touching... Embracing... Passionatly meeting...
you. |
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| Hold On - kT Tunstall |
[Aug. 26th, 2007|12:23 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | <3 it, sweets | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | tunstall! whoot! | ] |
Say you, to me
You’re a bird with an eye for anything shiny
Searching the land
For a hero of a man
You say i need
More than my fair share of attention
An’ I think you know
That you steal the show
Oh underneath
I felt the fire of a burning question
Tearing me apart
Right from the very start
An’ now I see
That it dont take a trip off the light to excite me
So strong
So long
You’ll see
Hold On to what you be good for lately
Hold on to what you know you’ve got
Hold on to what you be good for lately
Hold on cuz the world will turn if you’re ready or not
Simplicity
A heart of gold, an old head and young shoulders
[Hold On Lyrics on http://www.lyricsmania.com]
Quiet and lovely
Become a part of me
And now I see
Oh a handfull of names and a thousand faces
One light
Burning fiercely
I was tired of January
Tired of June
I felt a change a comin’
Wooahh oh ohh tired of January
Tired of June
I felt a change a comin’
Wooahh oh ohh yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh
I felt a change a comin’
I felt a change a comin’
‘felt a change a comin’ soooon woh oh ohhhh
Hold On to what you be good for lately
Hold on to what you know you’ve got
Hold on to what you be good for lately
Hold on cuz the world will turn if you’re ready or not
Wooahh oh ohh
Hold On to what you be good for lately
Hold on to what you know you’ve got
Hold on to what you be good for lately
Cuz the world will turn, if you’re ready or not
Oh yeah
Well the world will turn, if you’re ready or not
WOAH HOHHHH
Yes the world will turn if you’re ready or not! |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 26th, 2007|01:54 am] |
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Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 23rd, 2007|04:56 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | mark ronson | ] |
as i sit alone in my make-shift room, i ponder. not one thing in particular, but one things rings louder than the others. homesickness.
i am so dreadfully home sick for ohio. when i walk outside i almost cry. this weather is dreadful. horrifying. rotten to humans with sweat glands.
plus. this is the time last year, i was living life! i was in new york, i had just moved back to ohio, and i swear as soon as i passed the state line i was able to breath a sigh of relief and felt 'home'. i was buying winter clothes. working at old navy. walking around town in vans, a hoodie and torn jeans! my fav. and my kittens were all settling in. my friends flocked to me like hens to feed. and it was great. i felt so loved and over joyed. i went to michigan with beth, with super swollen anckles. but life was flipping awesome!
and then. i met joe. the love of my life. and here in the coming week we will have our year anni. and i doubt he even remembers. :/
i was driving by blinn (where i will going back to college) and like. iano. i almost had a panic attack thing. my chest got all tight and i started to breath heavy. i know i want to go back to school. and just saying that im going back puts a smile on my face, heart and ego. and now that it is a few days away, im thinking...can i really do this? it still seems like yesterday when i left, am i ready to go back?
can i juggle 2 jobs and 14 hours of school? i know i want too, and that should be enough. but my mind is freaking out with all these what'ifs and its killing me.
and this weather seriously just pisses me off. yarg! |
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ivan_za_rushan's journal
pissed off